Fight or Flight

"Fight or Flight" is a term used to describe acute stress response.
This is the title of my unwritten History of Boyfriends.
As Venus is in retrograde, I have decided to look back and try to resolves things with Henry before allowing myself to move forward without doubts.


March is the 2nd anniversary of my father's passing. In this time since 2006, how have I directed my life? At that point, I had no idea I would be in Beijing or that I would stay for so long. Life can surprise you completely. So to move forward, I have to look back.

March 14, 2007
My father, D.J. Lee, passed away suddenly. I received a panicked call from my mother. I had never heard her sound like this and only in hindsight can I even begin to imagine what she was going through in the first 30 mins as she waited for the ambulance to arrive. All she could say is that Dad was dying and I needed to come home immediately. I had a 16 week old German Shepherd puppy that had grown past airline under seat storage size. I had to think about how I was going to do this. At the time I didn't have a car, so I had to come up with a plan quickly. I called my sister first, as I did on 9/11. She was calm. She is always calm. Uncertain of the details, she said she had sent her husband Doug to Mom's. My brother called me soon after. I asked if he would be willing to drive with me and my new puppy. He was very accommodating and told me to meet him at his house in Jersey that night. We would drive through the night to get to Mom's by the next day. At the time, I had a doggie vest that read "Service Dog (with a interchangeable Velcro label) In Training." Meta had out grown carrying size and I needed her to be able to get on public transportation with me & I also did plan for her to get certified one day as a Therapy dog. Well, point is I had to get on the subway from Brooklyn, get to Penn Station, get on a NJ bus and commute another hour. She was great. Pee-ed in the middle of Penn Station, but other than that was very professional. We made it to NJ and drove south that night.

March 14, 2008
Return home to support my Mom. We hiked up to the tallest peak in Georgia, where the year before we had dusted Dad's ashes. We revisited this spot and had a family picnic.

I spent a month at home with my Mom to help her go to doctor's visits and help my sister who had been taking care of my little Meta, just over a year at this point. It was time well spent.

By the time my birthday came around, I decided I wanted to be back in New York. One of my best friends, Amy Mitchell, flew in to spend my birthday night with me and Meta at the Rivington Hotel. I threw myself a birthday party in the hotel bar and got to spend a great relaxed night catching up and feeling very loved. I turned 33. Henry sent flowers to the hotel and gave me a b&h gift card towards a new digital point and shoot I had been needing, as my first Sony cybershot had died.

March 14, 2009
This year, I will not be with family. I am in Beijing on my final trip for the foreseeable future seeing through some commitments and giving myself some time to heal and try to make art work and learn about China. Saturday TBD. The rest of my family will be with Mom. Meta included. She is now just over 2 years old (14 in dog years). I had told my Dad about Meta and sent him a photograph before he passed away. I think part of him feeling ok about me was knowing he had helped me buy my place in Park Slope and that I had started a family of my own in some way.

As the two year mark comes around, I am thinking of all the new things I've done and seen since. I hope my Dad would be proud of me for taking some chances for love and work, but I can only hope. There is a sense of freedom I have now, that is new too.

I am going to lead life with my heart. More so than ever and not hold back. This time I'm just going to let myself have fun and not worry so much. Or at least try. Will surround myself with people who make me laugh and can love me fearlessly. That is how I see my future.

Time Space Continuum and the Astrohair Clock

Getting a haircut after the new moon is meant to be good for strong and think growth.
If you are interested in timing your haircuts with the moon or at least finding out some interesting info about growth and moon phases, check it out at longhairlovers.com.

This February new moon on the 24th is in Pisces. The website above has this to say about cutting your hair in this phase:

The Moon in Pisces is watery and feminine and one of the most fertile signs so expect increased growth and thickness if you cut your hair during this moon. In fact, almost any hair goal can be achieved with success. Chemically processing your hair is favorable since so much moist energy is available. A Pisces moon is meant for reflecting on your connection to other people and the cosmos so use this time for intimate, serious, and inspirational conversations with the opposite sex. There’s a passionate quality to this moon that sets the stage for romantic encounters. Don’t let this moon pass you by without trying a superbly romantic, soft style. Deep auburn and chestnut colors enhance an amorous moment.

A salon chain I like here in China is Tony Studio.
My appointment is for 11 am February 25 Beijing time, 10 pm February 24 New York time.


This past trip I spent a lot of time discussing things like astronomy, quantum physics, and genius.
Though I am not very familiar with any of these topics, they are of great interest to me.
I dream of being able to navigate the seas using the stars and enjoy asking questions almost more than answering them. And I have been listening to Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, a book that looks at how genius happens and cultural factors that shape it. AWESOME.

Point is my mind is swimming with ideas. Spending time with Sonya who also has a very inquisitive mind, but might lean more towards answers than questions...lead to many fascinating conversations. She is hilarious and smart. A whiz and a whip all in one. We had a super time and were able to flow in and out of using Korean, which for me was a first. We had a ball.

Us in front of a waterfall that falls into the sea.
(Jeju Island, 2009)

To wrap up this segment on Time and Space, I would like to say that due to "spring-ing" forward Sunday March 8, 2009 in the continental US, I am only 12 hours difference now. After spending a winter in a 13 hour time difference, it is so nice to feel a bit closer to New York and my friends and family up and down the East coast.

Seoul for Valentines

The song that has me hopeful these days...

Bob Dylan's

Lay, Lady, Lay

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Whatever colors you have in your mind
I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Until the break of day, let me see you make him smile
His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean
And you're the best thing that he's ever seen

Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he's standing in front of you

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead
I long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the night
Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead

[This is what my lover would sing to me]

Koreans are totally into LOVE. ROMANCE. DRAMA.
It was the perfect place to come for this Hallmark holiday and get in touch with my roots.

I flew on the 14th, getting a lovely stamp on my visa for Valentines.
Was up at the crack of dawn to get to the airport by 6 am to make my 8:45 am international flight to Seoul. This 3 hour rule is ingrained into me like having to finish my plate. It is best to give that time, but I was plenty early, meaning I had to do some early morning Duty Free shopping and buy expensive airport cafe coffee. Ah, the rituals of air travel. I did get myself the red Chanel lipstick I've been wanting. Found out it is called "New York Red." How à propos? Why you ask?

Korean women take their looks very seriously. Wearing foundation and lipstick is as important as nice shoes. I have gotten used to going a la natural in so many ways, living single and not on the prowl in Beijing, where it is totally acceptable to go out in your pajamas at night. OK, well maybe not to the places foreigners frequent, but it is a very real local custom. Not just in the village I live in. You can spot it in the city too. Especially in winter when who can be bothered to get out of long johns to go to the corner deli to pick up milk or whatever. Anyway, "New York Red" is perfect for Seoul. I will have to behave like a real lady here. I will like having to do that. It feels much more civilized. After the studio with squat toilets and no running water in my bathroom, taking towel baths with boiled water from a sink in my room (thank goodness the water is flowing there). That's probably enough visualizing there!

SO, SEOUL is fabulous. Modern, clean, efficient, great food, and I can speak the language and understand even more than I can say. It is a lovely feeling. On top of that, most of the young people are into speaking English, so if in need, I can try in Korean first then switch to English as a second resort.
It is also culturally more similar to what I am used to in the States. A society with social standards like being polite to strangers and using trash receptacles! There are photo booths in the subway stations and a multi-use T money card (equivalent to the Octopus card for HK) that you can pay for public transit and convenience stores around town. People pay a lot of attention to how they look here, so like I said...lipstick, heels, hair. All done in your own style, but done! Cell phones work in the subway, taxi's abound, street food is good and readily available, the dollar is strong, and shopping is supposed to be amazing! Can't wait to see the independent designs in Myeong dong. My favorite West Village boutiques (Albertine & Claudine) owner told me it is great. And if you know her taste, you know it is a very high recommendation.

I have heard of Koreans as the Irish of Asia. Full of Passion, booze, and an underdog mentality. To be more specific, South Koreans and South Irish have a lot in common in terms of history, and therefore culture. Also, it could be a natural fire in the blood, which even under similar conditions other people may not have gotten such a reputation. I'm rather proud of being known for passion. That is the root of the booze and well the underdog mentality is due to historical circumstance. But I digress...

Basically, the young men in Korea are really cute and styled out. I think the soap operas have had a major influence on the youth of today. They are well-dressed, well-mannered, and sensitive! They want to push the baby cart, ya know! Maybe I should broaden my range of potential suitors?

Just the first day out, so stay tuned. I'll update as I go!

What I did in Seoul:
Seoul Subway Map

Met up with my friend Sonya who happens to be visiting family at the same time. When I heard she would be in Korea, I booked to try to have some time there together. We know each other from the freelance world in New York. It was so great to cross over into this new reality and get to know each other better. She had me in stitches laughing most of the time! It was a real healthy break from the intense soul searching and questioning I've been doing in China. We are both Korean American and speak some Korean, so doing some traveling together was an absolute hoot. She's like the hot brainy girl and I'm like the cute younger sister. We are essentially the same age, but there is an aura that makes Sonya come across as more adult. Even though we are older than we look, the Koreans were all very complimentary about our youthful appearance. I think it is just that we are both not married and have had no children. There is a term here called "old miss" to describe older non-married types, but there is also a term coined out of this term called "gold miss" for a new breed of women choosing to marry later in life or maybe not at all. Socially Korea has become much more liberal accepting "gold misses" and single mom's who never married. Its a whole new world to the one Sonya and remember from visiting in our younger days. There is progress.

Saturday
Travel Day
Time with Uncle and family

Sunday (Spent 114,000 won = $82)
Met up with Sonya Rhee(all the way from LA/NYC)!

Gyeongbokgung (Gyeongbok Palace)
The biggest of 5 Palaces in Seoul.
3,000 won Admission

National Folk Museum of Korea
Set up by the US military in 1945, hence the highlighting of western symbols such as a GE fan and Beatles album in the exhibitions. This is a cool museum and worth the trip. Don't forget to stop by the museum shop, as well. Free admission.

Samcheongdong
An area full of cafes and galleries. Perfect for a Sunday stroll, except in -4C.
Anguk station, line 3, exit 1*

ARARIO SEOUL (since 2002)
#149-2, Sokyuk-dong, Jongro-gu, Seoul, Korea

+82 2 723 6190

"On the Earth" paintings by Lim, YoungSun


free entrance to The National Folk Museum of Korea
2,000 won = Travel size bottle of contact solution ($1.50)
3,000 won = Ticket to Geoungbokgung ($2)
4,000 won = Paris Baguette latte, a crab burger from the same place, or a plate of lovely noodles in a cafe in the gallery area ($3)
5,000 won = Photo booth pictures and Ticket to the World Jewelry Museum ($3.50)
10,000 - 30,000 won = Earrings/gifts from some boutiques in the same area ($7 - $21)


Monday (Spent 160,800 won = $113)
Techno Mart (TM)
Subway Line No.2 to Gangbyeon Station, and go through the connecting underground pass.
10 or so floors of shopping
electronics, clothing, and food!
Prices didn't seem amazing. Maybe worth the trip to Youngsan.

Kwang Jang Market
Subway Line 1 Jongno 5(oh)-ga Station
7:00am ~ 7:00pm
Closed Sundays
Fabrics, blankets, buttons galore.
Amazing food on the ground floor! (get the bindetuk for 5,000 won)

60,000 won = 5 yards of fuchsia silk (12,000 won per yard) ($42.00)
32,000 won = 4 yards for some wool plaid (8,000 won per yard) ($23.00)
45,000 won = set of silverware for 10 ($32.00)
10,000 won = set of two batteries for Leica (5,000 each set) ($7.00)
4,800 won = cameo buttons (800 won each) ($3.50)
4,000 won = pink purse/gift ($3.00)
3,000 won = bag of roasted chestnuts ($2.00)
2,000 won = black plastic cameo broach ($1.50)
160,800 won = Spent

Tuesday
National Museum of Korea
Spend 3 hours in the first half of the first floor.
Beautiful museum and the archeology section was awesome!
Free admission for permanent collection.

Dinner with Uncle's family.

Wednesday
Flew to Jeju Island aka "Island of World Peace." Stayed at Ocean Grand on the less swanky part of the island and loved it. It is right on the beach and it was easy to get food and walk around.

Thursday
Hired a driver for the day. 100,000 Won (9 am - 6 pm)
Worth every bit!

Friday
Slept in and got a late start.
We liked our driver so much, we hired him the next day for a half-day.
Flew out after dinner, feeling good about what we saw.

Saturday
Sinsa is just south from Apgujeong, the "Rodeo Drive" of Seoul and hosts boutiques with local designers apparel and great little restaurants and coffee shops. My favorite shop was called UnderStar. In the basement space of a large building, just look for the antique dress form you can see through the doorway. I loved almost everything I saw, even if it wasn't all for me, they have really done a nice job. Prices are fair and you will know you've gotten something special. There is a popular chain selling a mix of vintage and modern second-hand clothing called 103, that has a website where you can shop. Rumor has it they will be opening a location in New York. They also carry a nice selection of coffee table and design books.


Sunday
DMZ Tour of the 3rd Tunnel and Observation Tower and the last train station in South Korea before entering into the North. The train and tracks are fully operational South-side, but the North has not opened the door for Koreans to pass through, only accepting material aid as cargo for the trains.
The tour meets in Seoul at 8 am and travel 45 mins North to the DMZ area. A tour with lunch costs 60,000 Won. Lunch is fine, but they drop you in a nice area in Seoul where you can go search out a place on your own too.


Monday
Last morning in Seoul. My Uncle and I are looking for a buckwheat pillow for me.
Its something I miss from my childhood. Lets see what I find.



The corn dog in SK is amazing! Sonya introduced them to me.
They are fried and have a crispy outer layer with a funnel cake like batter that wraps around the hot dog. It is a sweet salty explosion in your mouth. Not to miss, but make sure its fresh and fried!


TIPS for Travel in Korea:
Rent a cell phone at the airport. You cannot simply buy a sim card and insert to your international phone, like in China (and apparently in most other Asian/South Asian countries).

Korea is one hour later than Beijing.
UTC/GMT +9 hours

Latitude:	37° 35'	North
Longitude:	127° 03'	East

The Solutions to a Broken Heart

New York City in Miniature
(Shenzhen, China)

February, month six of healing
March, April, May to go...

The Solutions to a Broken Heart:
Acupuncture
Massage
Another Love
Food
Pets
Travel
Writing
Talking
Hiding
Sleeping
Running
Yelling
Venting
Vegging
Retreating
Other people's heart break stories
Music
Poetry
Cooking
Shopping
Organizing
Working
Dreaming
Walking
Collecting
Erasing
Remembering
Dissecting
Forgetting
Time
Letting go for your own health...

I would like to introduce you to my very special friend Poppy and
her poem that moved me beyond words.

Poppy Toland
I wanted to be your pet

I wanted to be your pussycat
And spend evenings curled up on your lap
But you told me you couldn’t stand cat hair
And your door didn’t suit a cat flap

I suggested being your sparrow
But you grumbled they’re much too chirpy
You worried my singsong wake up call
Would cut your sleep far too early

I offered to be a little red squirrel
Nestled behind your door
You shuddered to imagine those scuttling paws
Against your pinewood floors

So I asked to be your turtle instead
Living in my mobile place
You said I’d only hold you back
That small legs wouldn’t handle your pace

I asked to reside in your window box
A ladybird playing on your greens
You find creepy-crawlies offensive you say
Too many legs - just not your thing

Now you’re saying you just don’t like critters
And certainly not in your home
How I’d be better taking my menagerie off
And trying to go it alone

I realised whilst trying to be cute for you
With my fur and my wings and my whiskers
You’d reasoned we belong to insurmountably different
Phylum, and genus and species

So I took it all with me -
Heavy shell, all those feathers, every flea
Tail between legs, I slunk out of your life
And left you - free of animals and free of me.

***

Phil Collins
Against All Odds


How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now

[Now go listen to it and The Postal Service version]

you won't regret the aching feelings it brings on...
we can share a moment together thinking of how
we love heartbreak more than the heartbreakers.

XXX
SJ
Beijing, 2009

By Train, Plane, and Taxi

A loose translation of a proverb a man told me at a party this past summer:
The further you travel the more you learn*.
The Chinese character for the kind of knowledge you can gain from traveling is the same character used to describe the kind of knowledge you acquire from books, he said.

After arriving in Beijing Dec 3rd, having boarded the first leg of the trip on December 1st, I caught up on lost sleep and laid low to let my new reality sink in slowly. I was glad to have a slow and easy month at Dave's place. It was an ideal situation and I am grateful for this extra comfort.

The studio was not inhabitable upon arrival. Luckily, I had Dave's place to stay while I began to transform my studio to a live work space. In the process, with set backs like frozen pipes and no water or heat, I had a good reason to leave for a little while, giving these loose ends time to be resolved. The month of January is a slow month here because it is the build up to Chinese New Year. Things are quiet, people are away. Priscilla's visit came at a good time in terms of a good time to get out of Beijing for a while.

That said, planning travel in China close to the Chinese New Year is a real challenge. Priscilla came to continue some work on her project shooting "Fortune: The Retail Landscape of China." It took us down the coast to HK and southern China. In the span of just over 2 weeks time. The back end of January, which due to Mercury in retrograde, slowed progress on many levels. So why not travel with an old friend and start my exploration of other parts of China.

We jam packed half a dozen or more Malls and commerce related sites into this trip, while I focused on try local restaurants and habits & ways of life for the locals. Sadly, my point and shoot ran out of power and I had forgotten the reserve! It was just me, my Holga, and a little HD video camera this time around. Each of my cameras serve a different purpose. They are meant to capture different things, so there is a lack of daily routine documentation. So, I appologize, but I think I got some interesting stuff on flim and video. TBD...

Cameras are added weight and bulk. Its part of the problem of traveling. Add a laptop and camera to the clothes and shoes and winter into spring range of clothes...it adds up. All in all, Priscilla and I did quite well with two bags on wheels, our camera bags, and the occasional shopping bag. I definately have a few new travel tips under my belt.

1) Bring less and hand wash as you go. purchase a good pair of rubber gloves and a small bottle of detergent for delicates. (or just use the hotel soap)

2) Purchase travel size of your favorite toiletries. Hotels most often have shampoo, but not always conditioner or good body soap. While traveling familiar products with familiar scents will reduce over all stress.

3) Have a couple good collapsable bags. They come in real handy and are eco to boot!

4) Anticipate room needed for the odds and ends you pick up along the way.

5) Be prepared and have all your liquids and gels in one or two bags. When traveling by train it doesn't mater, but you know the rules for plane travel...

6) Do your homework ahead of time, so you don't wait too much time once you've arrived to figure out what you want to see and where you want to eat. I'm all for keeping your eye open for a tempting unknown which might pop up, but dont count on it!

7) Know your best options for getting and spending cash. Know how to not get killed with fees.
Its all in the small print, but it can save you a load of money in the long term.


Itinerary/Plan for "Fortune":

Jan 8
Depart Beijing on overnight train to Shanghai (Z7 7:44 pm)

Jan 9 - 10
Shanghai, Shanghainese spoken.
Old House Inn
No.16, Lane 351 Huashan Lu, Jing An
near Changshu Lu, Metro Line 2 Jing'an Temple Station
华山路351弄16号
近常熟路,地铁2号线静安寺站
6248-6118
Dinner at Citizen
Fabulous European style bar/cafe. Ambiance, clientel, and food, well worth the trip.

Dinner at Kareen's (Full Moon)
Good Indian, but not something to go out of your way for.

Jan 11
Depart Shanghai to Yiwu (D685 7:25 am) 2 hour fast train

Jan 12 - 13
Yiwu: Commerce City
Snow Peak Hotel

Jan 14
Depart Yiwu by plane to Shenzhen (CZ 3875 10:25 am)

Jan 14 - 17
Shenzhen Special Economic Zone (3 nights), Mandarin spoken.
Century Plaza Hotel
Window of the World

Jan 17 - 22
Hong Kong, Cantonese spoken.
Bishop Lei House
4 Robinson Road, Mid-Levels, Hong Kong

香港羅便臣道四號
(852) 2868 0828
Chungking Mansions (TST Kowloon side)
Star Ferry

Jan 22 - 25
Guangzhou (3 nights) aka Canton, where Cantonese is still spoken widely.
Grand Palace

Jan 25
Fly back to Beijing (PEK) from Guangzhou (CAN)

Jan 26, 2009
Chinese New Year

Legend-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where we stayed
Highlights of the trip