Sensing Trouble

I'm pretty sure I know from the first two and now three dates, what would be problematic going forward. I fall easily. I know this from reviewing all my journal entries from previous relationships. I actually love falling in love. Its a fact. I wonder if I could fall in love with a hobo. Its entirely possible, scary, but possible. AND I know that from the beginning I always sense what will be the issue that could and then eventually does arise if the relationship continues.

Without going back in history, I will just say that with Mono, the fear I have is that I could be lonely in a relationship with him. Its actually the worst feeling in the world. I say that, but I will also say that I really like many things about him, which is setting off alarms inside my stomach and making me do weird preemptive things...I've accepted a second date with OK#four, as well as, hung out with a boy who is visiting from New Zealand and not a romantic interest for me. I also actively responded to a guy who had messaged weeks ago and will be OK#five. OK#five suggested meeting for a "cuppa" to see if we could have fun together (yikes!).


SO WHY am I acting crazy. I actually think Mono could be a 98% man-list match. Terrifying! The only thing I can say is that I am willing to see this through, even with some concerns. His skill set and background make for the best storybook romance with the character I am developing into, but something isn't sitting right. We got physical, but I did not let it go too far. Though I wasn't able to articulate why I wanted to take things slow in the moment, mission was accomplished. He protested a little, but I said I still wanted to see him naked. A request to which he obliged. Then well, I stayed over and emotionally became vulnerable. This sudden vulnerability was very hard for me. I should have just left it alone and let him contact me first, but I had to message first. He's not much of a texter, so he kinda left me cold. Last text, was him saying he might be coming down with the flu and he would let me know...I had invited him over to watch some Wong Kar Wai, who I love, but he apparently thinks he would hate!? Yeah, the communication has been weird.

More on Mono:
He lives above his father's restaurant. He has some issues with his father, which I think I may understand. Though as an artist, its hard to turn down free rent. He is in a phase of upgrading and modifying his life. He likes things paramilitary. He experiments with ice cubes, looking to create the perfect clear cube. Yes, there is a metaphor here. I love the imperfections and the lines and air that the impurities create. He is trying to create a clear piece of ice. OK, enough about him for now.

Advise on dating or men in general are welcome. I am trying to learn as I go.